12:03 AM 5/20/2015
So here recently I have come to the conclusion that I need to stop thinking about what everyone else wants for me, what other's think of me, how others think I am. I am me and if you don't like it I'm not sorry for being the person I am because you aren't sorry for molding me into what I am.
I have had so many people leave me because they found out who I was on the inside. I am strong, determined, creative, sensitive, worried, afraid and independent. All of those scare the hell out of people but I know it take a certain type of person to deal with me and hardly anyone wants to even try to understand me because of how opinionated I am about literally everything.
People think I am a bitch because I stand my ground when I know something is right because of all the research I have done. I am not like others in my generation because I actually care about what is going on in this world and I see outside the bubble our society has created for us to live in.
When I look at this world I see it through a looking glass much like Alice did when she first stepped through the looking glass into Wonderland. I am looking back into the world Alice left, the grey world of rain and drab and acceptance to the ways of everyone else, a world of plastic look a likes who don't know what it means to be your own person.
The world I am in is vibrant with people from every religion and ethnic group all living in peace and harmony, exotic colors splashed around in the most perfect pattern ever known to man, smells of every region of the world, spices in the warm sun letting off their fragrance, fruits and vegetables just teeming with vibrancy and life, no meat shops because life is sacred and cherished. There are no people dying from hunger or ailments. It's the perfect world and everyone is allowed to join if only they would notice what the heck is going on outside of their bubble and come through the looking glass and join me.
I love myself, I never used to love myself and I was in a very dark place. I was on the verge of ending it all a few times because I had let others beat me down over and over and over not ever looking up always thinking I was wrong in everything I said. I was a loner child with a high IQ and low popularity. I was the kid no one would talk to because I was weird and others felt like I was radiating a weird feeling. Well now I don't care what others think because the love I have for myself surpasses any hate they have for me.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Fruits and veggies are your friends
Fruits and veggies are your friends unless you are on the Standard American Diet or SAD for short. Then fruits and veggies are your worst enemy because 'they don't taste good', 'they're to expensive', 'there's no protein in them so why eat them', 'they're carbs and carbs are bad.' All of the preceding statements I even thought were true at one point and time in my life. This of course was before I went vegetarian about four months ago.
When I first started I used cheese on EVERYTHING that was an unfamiliar vegetable but now I have learned that the flavor of veggies are unique and delicious.
I did this for health reasons and I may not see the shifting of major pounds on the scales but I am feeling a lot better. It's a daily struggle but I will be strong.
When I first started I used cheese on EVERYTHING that was an unfamiliar vegetable but now I have learned that the flavor of veggies are unique and delicious.
I did this for health reasons and I may not see the shifting of major pounds on the scales but I am feeling a lot better. It's a daily struggle but I will be strong.
Friday, May 8, 2015
Get Your Geek On
5/9/2015 1:14 AM
So I'm a geek and I know it. I mean I watch BBC America because it plays Doctor Who and Star Trek: The Next Generation. I am a huge fan of both of those shows and have been since I was little.
I guess I have been a gothic nerd/geek since I was born. I grew up listening to Styx, AC/DC, Ozzy, Black Sabbath, Metallica, Pink Floyd and all of the other bands which paved the walk way for all the heavy metal bands known today by today's youth.
I have been brought up on the arts, reading, writing, drawing, music and when I have children they will be brought up in a similar fashion as I was because I felt it allowed me to grow and become who I am today no matter how much others tell me I am wrong. I will allow my children to be as bright, colorful, creative, and individualized as they want because I will not have children who follow the social norms because it is easy and there is no work involved.
I want them to find themselves within their imagination like I did, and when they come home explaining how people have been mean to them because of how they act, dress, speak or anything they do I will cuddle them close and tell them it will be okay simply because I am okay and I went through the exact same thing when I was their age. I will tell them they are just scared of their creativity and not sure how to take them because they are all the same and they don't know how to take things that are different but they will come to understand at some point. Till then just tough it out and be yourself because you are perfectly imperfect and always will be.
And if that makes me weird and an uber geek then so be it! I will let my Freak Flag Fly and Get My Geek On till the day I die and I don't care who dislikes me because of it!
So I'm a geek and I know it. I mean I watch BBC America because it plays Doctor Who and Star Trek: The Next Generation. I am a huge fan of both of those shows and have been since I was little.
I guess I have been a gothic nerd/geek since I was born. I grew up listening to Styx, AC/DC, Ozzy, Black Sabbath, Metallica, Pink Floyd and all of the other bands which paved the walk way for all the heavy metal bands known today by today's youth.
I have been brought up on the arts, reading, writing, drawing, music and when I have children they will be brought up in a similar fashion as I was because I felt it allowed me to grow and become who I am today no matter how much others tell me I am wrong. I will allow my children to be as bright, colorful, creative, and individualized as they want because I will not have children who follow the social norms because it is easy and there is no work involved.
I want them to find themselves within their imagination like I did, and when they come home explaining how people have been mean to them because of how they act, dress, speak or anything they do I will cuddle them close and tell them it will be okay simply because I am okay and I went through the exact same thing when I was their age. I will tell them they are just scared of their creativity and not sure how to take them because they are all the same and they don't know how to take things that are different but they will come to understand at some point. Till then just tough it out and be yourself because you are perfectly imperfect and always will be.
And if that makes me weird and an uber geek then so be it! I will let my Freak Flag Fly and Get My Geek On till the day I die and I don't care who dislikes me because of it!
Question for the masses
5/8/15 7:50 PM
So this is a short one for you guys, whoever reads this blog. I want to know how your day is going, I want to start an ongoing conversation between all of us as to how we are doing and become an extended family of sorts. Please, leave me a comment if you read this telling me how your day went.
So this is a short one for you guys, whoever reads this blog. I want to know how your day is going, I want to start an ongoing conversation between all of us as to how we are doing and become an extended family of sorts. Please, leave me a comment if you read this telling me how your day went.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Understanding
5/6/2015 5:48 PM
So it has come to my attention not to recently that some people feel like nothing is complete in their lives without trolling on the internet. I know I am not the most fit person on the face of this planet but I am trying and doing things slowly and with deliberation. Others who are already at their peak and love themselves need to be celebrated if they are helping others like some people I follow on social media.
The person in question is a fully raw vegan and she is beautiful. People say she has jaundice, is anorexic, is not real. But she doesn't have jaundice, it's called lighting on a darker skin tone. She isn't anorexic, she loves her body and doesn't like the idea of anyone self harming by restricting calories, purging or anything else associated with an eating disorder. She is very real, she gives people advice on how to become the best version of themselves as they can be.
I am not fully raw vegan but I am a vegetarian by choice and I love it. I tried eating chicken the other day and the texture and flavor made me sick. I did this for me and my health and I will continue to do it for me and my health. I love the way I feel and I have no reason to stop.
So it has come to my attention not to recently that some people feel like nothing is complete in their lives without trolling on the internet. I know I am not the most fit person on the face of this planet but I am trying and doing things slowly and with deliberation. Others who are already at their peak and love themselves need to be celebrated if they are helping others like some people I follow on social media.
The person in question is a fully raw vegan and she is beautiful. People say she has jaundice, is anorexic, is not real. But she doesn't have jaundice, it's called lighting on a darker skin tone. She isn't anorexic, she loves her body and doesn't like the idea of anyone self harming by restricting calories, purging or anything else associated with an eating disorder. She is very real, she gives people advice on how to become the best version of themselves as they can be.
I am not fully raw vegan but I am a vegetarian by choice and I love it. I tried eating chicken the other day and the texture and flavor made me sick. I did this for me and my health and I will continue to do it for me and my health. I love the way I feel and I have no reason to stop.
Why?
5/6/2015 3:02am
Why am I still awake, why am I not asleep curled up under my blankets dreaming of my boyfriend and our future?
I will tell you why I am awake... Nightmares, night terrors that nothing but being in someone's arms will ever help.
Here recently nothing has helped, I fell asleep on skype with my bf and he stayed on with me almost an hour and i woke up twice almost screaming and crying.
Every night it is something different. Last night it was my family being tortured before my eyes and I was stuck behind a plate of thick glass, they didn't even know I was there. Tonight it was my sister being raped as she cried out for me to help her but I was tied down and couldn't get loose. Things like this when it's hurting others or animals no matter who it is, they are what get me the most. I could care less if you hurt me but hurt my family and we have a problem.
I just can't help but worry that the might terrors are a bad omen for problems to come in the family...
Guess I should try and go back to bed even if I don't sleep.
Why am I still awake, why am I not asleep curled up under my blankets dreaming of my boyfriend and our future?
I will tell you why I am awake... Nightmares, night terrors that nothing but being in someone's arms will ever help.
Here recently nothing has helped, I fell asleep on skype with my bf and he stayed on with me almost an hour and i woke up twice almost screaming and crying.
Every night it is something different. Last night it was my family being tortured before my eyes and I was stuck behind a plate of thick glass, they didn't even know I was there. Tonight it was my sister being raped as she cried out for me to help her but I was tied down and couldn't get loose. Things like this when it's hurting others or animals no matter who it is, they are what get me the most. I could care less if you hurt me but hurt my family and we have a problem.
I just can't help but worry that the might terrors are a bad omen for problems to come in the family...
Guess I should try and go back to bed even if I don't sleep.
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