Dear Haters

Dear Haters,

I have HATED MYSELF ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! For years and years I literally thought I was the UGLIEST creature to ever walk this planet because of things YOU said to me.

I cut myself, my wrists, my legs, my stomach, anywhere I could cover up easily so my mother wouldn't ask about it. I would turn up the sound on my television so no one would hear me cry myself to sleep. I BEGGED my mother to let me stay home from school so I didn't look at your faces and listen to your cruelty behind my back cause you were to much of a PANSY to say it to my face!

I used to look in the mirror and ask myself what was wrong with me, why do people hate me, am I to different, am I really that ugly, do I really look like a beached whale... I couldn't figure out what possessed these people to pick on me for my brain, my weight, my smarts, my imagination, anything that was different.

I remember there was a time where I didn't pick up a book or a pencil and paper in school because I couldn't deal with all the back lash from all of you people making me feel like I was stupid and disgusting! From the start of school I have listened to your snickers and comments about me and I'm sick of it, I'm two years out of high school and I STILL deal with you and your bile filled hate speech.

• You're fat
• You're to different
• You need to go die
• I hate you because of your size and the way you speak about things like you know more than I do
• You're so stupid why even bother

And so many more...

Despite all this, all the nights I have cried, the pain I have inflicted on myself because of you, the mind games I still play with myself because of the things you have told me all these years....I forgive you.

I forgive you for making me feel like I would never be good enough for anyone because of who I am, for making me feel like I am so ugly no one could ever love me, that if I did find someone who loved me they would leave me because I was to different, that I was worthless because I was born.

I forgive every single person who called me names, treated me bad and caused me to think I am ugly, never believing people who say good things about me because only people who pity me would do that. I do not hate you for not wanting to understand me or be friends with me.

There is something I will not stand for though...acting like these things never happened and trying to be all unicorns and rainbows towards me now. I will not stand for people like you, that is why you are NOT in my life and NEVER will be.

I have become a better person because of you, I have grown and surpassed anything you ever thought I could be and do because of the hate you poured into my veins through my ears. I have begun to see myself differently, to love the body I am in and treat it with the respect it deserves as I become the best version of myself with so much help from you that you don't even realize because in your mind "it never happened".

I am who I am today because of you and I forgive you and release that part of my life to rid my energy of all the hate so I can move up and beyond you and your low vibrations.

Thank you, really.

On my mind recently

6/3/2015 1:21 A.M.

Okay so I know the jury is still out on how people are reacting to Caitlyn Jenner making her debut in this world but I agree with those people who consider her a hero because she is a hero in the transgender community because she spoke out and said "This is who I am and who I have always been".  For some people in the community that is something they could never do to their family and close friends let alone the entire world as she did.

Just because she wasn't a solider who was in the line of duty and got injured like Noah Galloway or any other solider past present and future doesn't mean she isn't a hero.  Hero's come in all shapes and sizes, I have saved a few of my friends from committing suicide, people see me as a hero for it.  A friend of mine saved kids on his school bus after is wrecked, Caitlyn is a voice for people and a role model in the trans community now and that is heroic.  For people to say she isn't a hero is a form of bullying to be honest to those people who think she is.

I think religion and personal views need to be left at the door on this one because if I believe she is a hero no one can tell me she isn't because of who she used to be or because of "God's Law" or whatever else people want to say.  My heros are not your heros and they never will be.  You believe she isn't a hero because of X, Y, Z but I believe she is because of X, Y, Z.  You have your opinion and I have mine, do not shove your opinion down my throat and I won't shove mine down yours.

If she is not your hero that is fine but don't tell people they can't see her as a hero because of her choices, who she was, your religious views, your social standings, your political views or anything because we are all entitled to our opinions and our feelings on certain things.  You can write about your opinion as I am doing now.

If you think you can shove your opinion down my throat you are wrong because as the human species we have the ability and need to form our own opinions and beliefs about the world and individuals therefor if you try you will be met with more resistance than you ever could imagine and I will blatantly tell you to back off of my views, beliefs and opinions because they are mine and no one can make me believe something I don't believe in just as I can not make you believe in something you don't believe in.

Respect eachother's opinions and beliefs because we are individuals and create our own beliefs and opinions because our brains are not all the same.  Tell about why she isn't your hero but don't tell others she isn't their hero too simply because you don't see her as one.

Acceptance is key in this day and age, accept other's choices and move on, don't wallow in pity and hatred, understand that your choices are not theirs and Caitlyn chose what was best for her because of her beliefs, opinions and feelings.  Coexist people, please.